Second vid!
Sunday, 10 February 2013
I'M Coming BACK!!!!!
I have not been here in a while and will post more soon!
But in the meantime, please check out my vid!
Thanks!
But in the meantime, please check out my vid!
Thanks!
Friday, 17 August 2012
The Day My Wife Caught Me Cheating!!!
I think she had always suspected it, but I guess she was just in denial. How could she have NOT known? It was so clear it was going on. But I chose to keep cheating and be selfish and just think of myself. It's very much like an addiction but some will disagree with that. Think about it for a moment though. The thrill, the anticipation, the event and the climax. As long as you hide the evidence, you won't be caught!!! But I was caught...
I came home from work and my wife had "that look" on her face. Guys, you know the look I am talking about. I knew I was in sh!t but not sure for what. She then held up the wrapper and asked, "What's this? I found it in the storage room, stuffed into an empty water bottle."
Sh!t. I thought, I was busted. "My uncle had a pack of the cookies and he gave me 2 of them."
"So you ate them." she asked.
Realising there was no escaping I had to plead guilty, "Ugh,,,ya...um...yes" I said.
"And if I never saw this, you would have never mentioned it. What other junk do you eat?" She demanded.
I was thinking, Wait a minute! I am a man, I make my own decisions, I can eat whatever the hell I want, whenever the hell I want! I am not a damn child to take orders and just eat what she says to eat? What the f*(k is this?
And that's where the problem is. Because of the sh!tty foods I was eating in secret from my wife, it not only contributed to my weight gain, but to other problems as well. Always tired, feeling sick, no, I mean, NO energy at all. Getting winded after 1 flight of stairs. Breathing like Darth Vader even when just sitting still watching a movie....And *ahem* bedroom issues (I'll just let you think what you want to here).
She had a legitimate worry about me dying and leaving her with 2 kids to take care of on her own (not to mention I felt like I was close to death's door). She told me that how in a previous relationship, the guy was a heavy drinker and hid it from her and it was the downfall of the relationship (the drinking along with the lying). When she made that comparison, it made the picture clear for me.
I had an addiction.
A real addiction.
A food addiction.
Some of you might get what I mean here, some might not, but a food addiction is just as real and as bad as an alcoholic addiction. The two cookies I ate was not the problem of this story. The 2 cookies I ate was only the tip of the iceberg and she knew it. The cookie wrapper was symbolic of all my health problems and of all our marital problems due to the lack of life and energy on my part. I remember seeing the hurt in her face. The distrust she had in me when we were talking about it. This was a BIG issue. I promised to stop the eating of junk foods, and I did...for a while. There were some stressful times where I gave in. But my "giving in" was in no way like before with the worst possible junk foods. I would have a rice cracker with a mountain of almond butter on it.
My whole life, I was always hiding and eating what I truly wanted and craved. My Dad is a vegetarian. But when we were kids, that was not the same story. Since he switched, we all had to. So I had to hide and eat meat. If he saw me eating meat, he would be disappointed in me and shake his head. Also, since I was a little fatty, I was not allowed to have cakes or sweets or colas. During birthday parties, I was told, only take a little piece of cake and a tablespoon of ice cream. Always monitored. Could never really truly enjoy that piece of cake and ice cream. When they were not looking I would take another piece and gorge it down. Same with meat. I remember being in the kitchen hiding from my dad who was in the living room, while I shoved curried chicken down my face at my aunts house. She makes some kick-ass curry chicken!
I remember never being able to have one whole pastry to eat, just a piece, or even piece of a doughnut. PIECE OF A FREAKIN' DOUGHNUT!!! Not a whole one, you're too fat. When I hit college, I gorged the hell out of chocolate bars, pastries, DOUGHNUTS. The feeling of having to hide and eat along with severe depression (severe for me at least, more on that in posts to come) was a bad combo.
I can now put the pieces together. All my life I was deprived of enjoying foods. Mind you the "bad" ones. I was always scrutinized over the things I ate. I had to hide to eat the things I wanted to eat and since I had to hide and eat it, it got out of control. It was my guilty pleasure. A place to escape from the world. Nobody else really cared about me, but this junk food makes me feel euphoric.
So I went on carrying this habit from life with my family to life with my wife. I do not need to report to her everything I eat and I don't. But when the things you eat effect the relationship, and you both know that is the reason, she has all the right to be upset with me for eating those two cookies.
Since that fateful day, I have a new routine when faced with a stress induced sugar craving:
1) pull up outside of the store I would but my junk fix from.
2) turn off the engine and radio.
3) take out my 1.5 litre bottle of water.
4) drink as much as I can.
5) close my eyes
6) take a deep breath.
7) say out loud, " I know I can have that (insert junk food here), but I choose not to."
8) drive away.
It helps.
Since I decided to turn my life around, cravings are still there but not as intense like before. Also, now everything is slowly falling into place. A eating regiment I can follow thanks to "The Gabriel Method" and the workouts with DDPYOGA.
Oh, and does my wife trust me when I say I did or did not eat a specific thing now?
Well, I can see some hesitation in her face at times, but trust takes time to build once it has been broken. So I am not 100% sure. Also, she sees that I am truly trying now.
No half-assed bullsh!t anymore!
I came home from work and my wife had "that look" on her face. Guys, you know the look I am talking about. I knew I was in sh!t but not sure for what. She then held up the wrapper and asked, "What's this? I found it in the storage room, stuffed into an empty water bottle."
Sh!t. I thought, I was busted. "My uncle had a pack of the cookies and he gave me 2 of them."
"So you ate them." she asked.
Realising there was no escaping I had to plead guilty, "Ugh,,,ya...um...yes" I said.
"And if I never saw this, you would have never mentioned it. What other junk do you eat?" She demanded.
I was thinking, Wait a minute! I am a man, I make my own decisions, I can eat whatever the hell I want, whenever the hell I want! I am not a damn child to take orders and just eat what she says to eat? What the f*(k is this?
And that's where the problem is. Because of the sh!tty foods I was eating in secret from my wife, it not only contributed to my weight gain, but to other problems as well. Always tired, feeling sick, no, I mean, NO energy at all. Getting winded after 1 flight of stairs. Breathing like Darth Vader even when just sitting still watching a movie....And *ahem* bedroom issues (I'll just let you think what you want to here).
She had a legitimate worry about me dying and leaving her with 2 kids to take care of on her own (not to mention I felt like I was close to death's door). She told me that how in a previous relationship, the guy was a heavy drinker and hid it from her and it was the downfall of the relationship (the drinking along with the lying). When she made that comparison, it made the picture clear for me.
I had an addiction.
A real addiction.
A food addiction.
Some of you might get what I mean here, some might not, but a food addiction is just as real and as bad as an alcoholic addiction. The two cookies I ate was not the problem of this story. The 2 cookies I ate was only the tip of the iceberg and she knew it. The cookie wrapper was symbolic of all my health problems and of all our marital problems due to the lack of life and energy on my part. I remember seeing the hurt in her face. The distrust she had in me when we were talking about it. This was a BIG issue. I promised to stop the eating of junk foods, and I did...for a while. There were some stressful times where I gave in. But my "giving in" was in no way like before with the worst possible junk foods. I would have a rice cracker with a mountain of almond butter on it.
My whole life, I was always hiding and eating what I truly wanted and craved. My Dad is a vegetarian. But when we were kids, that was not the same story. Since he switched, we all had to. So I had to hide and eat meat. If he saw me eating meat, he would be disappointed in me and shake his head. Also, since I was a little fatty, I was not allowed to have cakes or sweets or colas. During birthday parties, I was told, only take a little piece of cake and a tablespoon of ice cream. Always monitored. Could never really truly enjoy that piece of cake and ice cream. When they were not looking I would take another piece and gorge it down. Same with meat. I remember being in the kitchen hiding from my dad who was in the living room, while I shoved curried chicken down my face at my aunts house. She makes some kick-ass curry chicken!
I remember never being able to have one whole pastry to eat, just a piece, or even piece of a doughnut. PIECE OF A FREAKIN' DOUGHNUT!!! Not a whole one, you're too fat. When I hit college, I gorged the hell out of chocolate bars, pastries, DOUGHNUTS. The feeling of having to hide and eat along with severe depression (severe for me at least, more on that in posts to come) was a bad combo.
I can now put the pieces together. All my life I was deprived of enjoying foods. Mind you the "bad" ones. I was always scrutinized over the things I ate. I had to hide to eat the things I wanted to eat and since I had to hide and eat it, it got out of control. It was my guilty pleasure. A place to escape from the world. Nobody else really cared about me, but this junk food makes me feel euphoric.
So I went on carrying this habit from life with my family to life with my wife. I do not need to report to her everything I eat and I don't. But when the things you eat effect the relationship, and you both know that is the reason, she has all the right to be upset with me for eating those two cookies.
Since that fateful day, I have a new routine when faced with a stress induced sugar craving:
1) pull up outside of the store I would but my junk fix from.
2) turn off the engine and radio.
3) take out my 1.5 litre bottle of water.
4) drink as much as I can.
5) close my eyes
6) take a deep breath.
7) say out loud, " I know I can have that (insert junk food here), but I choose not to."
8) drive away.
It helps.
Since I decided to turn my life around, cravings are still there but not as intense like before. Also, now everything is slowly falling into place. A eating regiment I can follow thanks to "The Gabriel Method" and the workouts with DDPYOGA.
Oh, and does my wife trust me when I say I did or did not eat a specific thing now?
Well, I can see some hesitation in her face at times, but trust takes time to build once it has been broken. So I am not 100% sure. Also, she sees that I am truly trying now.
No half-assed bullsh!t anymore!
Thursday, 26 July 2012
Living in the calm before the storm
Last year around this time, I made a decision that I need to do something about my health. I was always tired, no energy, a walking dead man. I felt dead inside. So by November (Yes, November. I am a BIG procrastinator and fearful of change), I started to actually do something about it. I did a raw food detox which helped me go from 300 pounds to 280 in a month. I stayed at 280 till May, where I gained some weight back, about 290 now.
I feel like I am living in the calm before the storm. Meaning, I see what will happen to me if I do not change my ways now. Right now, my health is stable. I can see into the future by looking at my dad and family members. My dad was strong as an ox when I was a kid. But after his first heart attack, things changed. His poor diet and lack of exercise led to the heart attack and triple by-pass surgery.
I have 2 little girls of my own and I owe it to them to lead by example what a healthy parent should be. They are only 3 years old and 18 months, and I already feel that my lack of energy is taking me away from them to do things together. I want my kids to have an active father. Dinner at the dinner table. You want to play? Sure, I got energy for that! I use to lie down on the floor where my kids were playing and fall asleep there, that was my quality time with them!
The old me was always depressed, sad, angry, hateful, introverted and scared. These behaviours and thought patterns are what help lead to poor health. Hence, the past 34 years of my life!
I see what the future holds IF I do not change my ways. I do not like that picture.
So I am visualizing my new picture NOW:
ME!
FULL OF ENERGY!
SMILING AND ENJOYING LIFE WITH MY FAMILY!
MY BODY LOOKS AMAZING!
MY HEALTH IS IMPECCABLE!
LIFE FROM HERE ON OUT IS WORTH LIVING!
THE MOST POSITIVE, LOVING LIFE, PERSON EVER!
ANY, ANY, OF MY OLD NEGATIVE THOUGHTS COME TO MY MIND, I SAY, "THANK YOU FOR THOSE EXPERIENCES FOR THEY HELP ME TO LEARN, GROW AND NURTURE MYSELF INTO A BETTER PERSON NOW!"
Just call me Mister Positivity!
Monday, 23 July 2012
DIAMOND CUTTER!!!
Today I did "Diamond Cutter" fully and completely!! First time I have done it all the way since May! In May I dropped off and stopped. It was SO hard to get back on the ball. Today I wanted to skip the workout, I was telling myself I was tired. But then I asked myself, "Are you tired, or are you being lazy?" So I got off my @$$, put the DVD in and just kicked it. My heart rate was in the fat burning zone the whole time! I felt so JACKED doing it and even more JACKED once it was over. My afternoon was great, I felt so alive!
My heart rate was at an average of 138!!! The method is: 180 - (your age) = your top zone
then: (Your top zone) - 20 = your bottom zone.
For me, it was 180 - 34 = 146 then 146 - 20 = 126
So my heart rate has to be between 126 and 146 to be in the fat burning zone! What a difference a heart rate monitor makes! I wish I took a pic of my heart rate monitor to post here as well.
Tomorrow I am hitting it again!
No Tired!!
No Lazy!!
No EXCUSES!!
 |
| I just finished and dripping sweat! |
 |
| My mat is drenched in sweat, I had to leave it out to dry! |
My heart rate was at an average of 138!!! The method is: 180 - (your age) = your top zone
then: (Your top zone) - 20 = your bottom zone.
For me, it was 180 - 34 = 146 then 146 - 20 = 126
So my heart rate has to be between 126 and 146 to be in the fat burning zone! What a difference a heart rate monitor makes! I wish I took a pic of my heart rate monitor to post here as well.
Tomorrow I am hitting it again!
No Tired!!
No Lazy!!
No EXCUSES!!
 |
| DDPYOGA gets a thumbs up! |
Sunday, 22 July 2012
Feelin' the backlash!!!
WOW!!! Got some heat about my last post from my wife! So let me settle this. That was two isolated incidences. Which really got under my skin. I do NOT hate my customers, well, I do not hate all of them at least! Ha!. But seriously, I value my customers because without them I would not have that job nor the satisfaction of working at such a great place. Just sometimes you get those one-in-a-million nut-balls! Look, I'm trying to apologise if anyone was offended.
But that is what this blog is about. A place for me to vent, release frustrations, also to put out there the things in my life so I can remain accountable for it. Since July 14th I re-started my workouts everyday, EVERYDAY!!! I have been doing the DDPYOGA workouts everyday, been kicking the "Energy" and "Fat Burner" programs for the last week, so it is time to turn the volume up and hit the next level this week coming. I was doing the "Diamond Cutter" workout in May, but fell off the wagon since then. Energy and Fat burner are about 20 to 30 minutes each, whereas Diamond Cutter is close to one hour. There will be days I mix it up, not all Diamond Cutter here on out. Just to keep options available for days where I am pressed for time... or too tired to do one hour workouts!
But that is what this blog is about. A place for me to vent, release frustrations, also to put out there the things in my life so I can remain accountable for it. Since July 14th I re-started my workouts everyday, EVERYDAY!!! I have been doing the DDPYOGA workouts everyday, been kicking the "Energy" and "Fat Burner" programs for the last week, so it is time to turn the volume up and hit the next level this week coming. I was doing the "Diamond Cutter" workout in May, but fell off the wagon since then. Energy and Fat burner are about 20 to 30 minutes each, whereas Diamond Cutter is close to one hour. There will be days I mix it up, not all Diamond Cutter here on out. Just to keep options available for days where I am pressed for time... or too tired to do one hour workouts!
Friday, 20 July 2012
FIRST RANT!!!!!!
I got to rant!
I need to vent!
Get this off my chest!
Do you enjoy your work?
I mean, I got a great schedule, very flexible, I work in a grocery store here in Montreal. If I am not on the road doing purchases, I am in the store at the cash register. I don't mind driving and meeting with wholesalers and placing orders, but to stand behind the desk and cash, drives me nuts!
Sometimes I get the most ridiculous customers! Now since everyone is so "environmentally friendly," I get some customers who insist on placing the groceries in their reusable bags. That's just fine and dandy, but PAY FIRST BEFORE YOU PUT IT IN THE BAGS!!!!! Most grocery stores have a sign as you enter stating, "Please use our carts and not your enviro-bags." Or something to that effect. Why oh why is that so hard to understand? Yes, there are those who will put it in their bags and come to the cash, pay for the goods they wish to purchase and leave merrily singing a happy tune. But then there are those who will place the stuff in their bags and just leave! "OOPS! I forgot to pay. I'm so sorry." Maybe they really did forget, maybe (but how do you not notice you came in with an empty bag and leaving with a 20 pound bag instead?). Or maybe they came in with the intention to steal? Either way, I am not accusing anyone of stealing, but to avoid any problems, JUST USE A DAMN CART!!!
Then there are those who need to use the phone. This was more a problem before cells but it still happens. Sure you can use the phone, that is not a problem. What is a problem is when you want to spend half hour on the phone talking. This is a store phone. You need to make a QUICK call, sure, go ahead. Or the over zealous people that need to talk so loud so everyone can hear them. Or worse yet, I had a guy dropping F-bombs, talking loudly and on the phone for quite some time. I asked him several times to please watch his language and that this is a store phone for QUICK calls. After the third F-bomb (and 15 minutes in) I just placed my finger down on the phone and hung up his call. Obviously he was pissed at me, but I got a business to run. Then he swore to never shop here again! So what does that mean? He did not buy anything anyway, and now my phone bill will be less?
Don't get me wrong, there are great customers too. Some customers come in, smile pleasantly, talk nicely and most of all, USE THEIR COMMON SENSE. There are regular customers who you are happy to greet and really get to know them and their lives. But sometimes the bad just outweighs the good. All it takes is one @$$hole to spoil your day. And this is where the "NEW ME" is trying to come in.
I am trying, really trying, trying hard, to remain positive. It is hard. Hell ya it is hard. But this is the beginning of my journey to the new me. So even when faced with difficult customers, I need to separate myself from my ego and remain calm. By letting them piss me off, it is only doing more harm to myself. So how to deal with it? Any suggestions? Right now, I just take a deep breath and mutter "@$$hole" under my breath, I feel that by doing this, I release my tensions and I move on. But I think I need to change that to something more positive.
These were just two instances that came up that I remembered. But there are A LOT more. I like blogging about this cause I can get it off my chest. Maybe I can do that next time a situation arises. Remind myself to blog about this when I get home and how I handled it, positively, and my real thought as it went on.
I need to vent!
Get this off my chest!
Do you enjoy your work?
I mean, I got a great schedule, very flexible, I work in a grocery store here in Montreal. If I am not on the road doing purchases, I am in the store at the cash register. I don't mind driving and meeting with wholesalers and placing orders, but to stand behind the desk and cash, drives me nuts!
Sometimes I get the most ridiculous customers! Now since everyone is so "environmentally friendly," I get some customers who insist on placing the groceries in their reusable bags. That's just fine and dandy, but PAY FIRST BEFORE YOU PUT IT IN THE BAGS!!!!! Most grocery stores have a sign as you enter stating, "Please use our carts and not your enviro-bags." Or something to that effect. Why oh why is that so hard to understand? Yes, there are those who will put it in their bags and come to the cash, pay for the goods they wish to purchase and leave merrily singing a happy tune. But then there are those who will place the stuff in their bags and just leave! "OOPS! I forgot to pay. I'm so sorry." Maybe they really did forget, maybe (but how do you not notice you came in with an empty bag and leaving with a 20 pound bag instead?). Or maybe they came in with the intention to steal? Either way, I am not accusing anyone of stealing, but to avoid any problems, JUST USE A DAMN CART!!!
Then there are those who need to use the phone. This was more a problem before cells but it still happens. Sure you can use the phone, that is not a problem. What is a problem is when you want to spend half hour on the phone talking. This is a store phone. You need to make a QUICK call, sure, go ahead. Or the over zealous people that need to talk so loud so everyone can hear them. Or worse yet, I had a guy dropping F-bombs, talking loudly and on the phone for quite some time. I asked him several times to please watch his language and that this is a store phone for QUICK calls. After the third F-bomb (and 15 minutes in) I just placed my finger down on the phone and hung up his call. Obviously he was pissed at me, but I got a business to run. Then he swore to never shop here again! So what does that mean? He did not buy anything anyway, and now my phone bill will be less?
Don't get me wrong, there are great customers too. Some customers come in, smile pleasantly, talk nicely and most of all, USE THEIR COMMON SENSE. There are regular customers who you are happy to greet and really get to know them and their lives. But sometimes the bad just outweighs the good. All it takes is one @$$hole to spoil your day. And this is where the "NEW ME" is trying to come in.
I am trying, really trying, trying hard, to remain positive. It is hard. Hell ya it is hard. But this is the beginning of my journey to the new me. So even when faced with difficult customers, I need to separate myself from my ego and remain calm. By letting them piss me off, it is only doing more harm to myself. So how to deal with it? Any suggestions? Right now, I just take a deep breath and mutter "@$$hole" under my breath, I feel that by doing this, I release my tensions and I move on. But I think I need to change that to something more positive.
These were just two instances that came up that I remembered. But there are A LOT more. I like blogging about this cause I can get it off my chest. Maybe I can do that next time a situation arises. Remind myself to blog about this when I get home and how I handled it, positively, and my real thought as it went on.
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