Since Sunday, I have been a little 'off.' My mood, my attitude, my workouts, my outlook, everything was the old me. It was my first 'bad' day (more like bad 4 days) since the Kyle Cease Event in mid-July, so about a month ago.
I went from feeling like I was on top of my game, to feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders. Just frustrated but I did not know why. So for the meditation that night it was really hard to clear my mind. I physically felt uncomfortable sitting to do my meditation, as if my body did not want me to. I did some deep breathing but was getting more angry with myself. More impatient, more frustrated. I ended up sitting there for an hour pissed off. Then tossed and turned myself to sleep in bed.
The next morning, I was feeling a bit better. But I was attracting some MAJOR negativity around me! It felt like it was the day of, me versus EVERY ASSHOLE ON THE ROAD! Some guy changing lanes on the highway without indicating, not even looking in his blind-spot and I had to hit the breaks... and the horn like a pissed off ass! Then another guy, did not even stop at the stop sign, in a parking lot, at the same time I am making a left turn right in front of him! Then almost getting run over by a guy talking on his cell phone while driving and decided to roll through the stop sign. Of course, I slammed my hand on the hood of his car (as if that would save me!) and yelled at him for being an idiot!
And we all know what happens! That the person gets the glare-stare-down, that shows I am pissed off with you, but I will do nothing and not let it go either, except look at you with my face all contorted and disfigured from being pissed off and my eye-brows nearly touching! So they drive off and forget about me within 2 seconds whereas I remain pissed off for the whole day!
Thankfully, I realized what was going on with me and that I was attracting these events. I stopped in a parking lot, turned off my vehicle and did some deep breathing and told myself, I need to do an emergency meditation session RIGHT NOW, before I drive off, because I need to let this go NOW in order to enjoy the rest of my day.
So I did the meditation and felt better afterwards. Not 100% better, but enough to not attract bad drivers! During the meditation, I sat down with my inner voice 'Gary' and asked him, what was going on and he said, ''Hey, don't look at me, this was all you!'' And I realised he was right. I chose to be pissed off and let things and circumstances effect me.
It is now Wednesday night and I decided tomorrow morning is a reboot of sorts. I started the workouts for the DDP Yoga certification, but I need to drop back to basics and hit out a workout from the dvd set instead, for now. Also, my mindset needs to be reset! The leaping that is in the process, of moving soon to a location where the rent is more than double of what I pay now AND leaving the security of my family grocery store without even having another job lined up, well, it scares me. Also, most people, with the exception of my wife and parents, all think I am either stupid or crazy. But in the end, their opinion do not matter anyway. What the hell have they ever done for me except hold me down with their negativity? My wife and parents are the ones who tell me to move forward! I need more people like them in my life!
And I do! The great people at www.teamddpyoga.com and on the Kylego groups on Facebook! You guys are all so awesome!
So I took 4 days to be in the 'poor me' attitude and mentality! I think I needed that reminder in order to push harder.
I am off to start it now! I am doing a kylego session with myself a year from now and then meditation!
Oh, one last thing, there is nothing like doing a meditation session in the middle of the morning then listening to music blearing loud in the car while I drive at 100km/hr on the open highway!
LOVE IT!
Eye brows almost touching!
