88 days, without a hit.
88 days, challenge.
88 days, torment.
88 days, wanting to cheat.
88 days, having the opportunity to cheat.
88 days, remembering of what is important.
88 days, cravings intensify.
88 days, starting to feel like I will make it.
Some people do not seem to understand that food addiction is quite like alcohol addiction. It is a constant struggle and a pain in the ass! I have trouble with will power. After coming off an extreme (in my opinion) detox, knowing I can re-introduce foods was a great moment! I could not wait to have some rice and peas, some good cooked foods, some REAL food! But what happened was that little voice in my head, Gary, said, ''you can have some junk foods too, just a bit? Maybe the healthier junk foods. No chips or fries, but what's wrong with just a burger?'' And I say out loud, ''NO!!''
I go to my acting class every Tuesday night. After class, I am so tempted to have a slice of pizza from the pizza place next door to the acting studio. I manage to walk past it and get in my car. But as I drive, Gary says, ''Just a bite of something!'' He tries to take control of the car and make me stop to buy something, but I have to overpower him and drive straight home. Sometimes I might have some carrot sticks and I would eat those, or I drown Gary with water to the point I feel so full I cannot eat even if I wanted to.
Another thing, would you expect to see a recovering alcoholic working in a bar? Well that is my issue as well. No, I do not drink and never was an alcoholic, what I mean is, I am an food addict and I work in a family owned Caribbean grocery store! We sell so much good tasting things!
From hot Jamaican patties...
...to spice buns...
...to Trinidad style Doubles and Chicken roti!
Jamaican patties have about the same nutritional value as a Big Mac! I would eat 2 as a snack. The Spice bun would be breakfast, plain and simple. Trinidad style doubles are SOOO good, those are the yellower ones in the pic. They are curried chick peas between two slices of 'bread' called bara, that is deep fried. The roti is THE best! It can be curried chicken or goat in a roti, which is like a huge pita bread but better!
So you see my dilemma! Especially when I am hungry at work. There is also something called rock cakes (The pic I took did not come good.). It is a huge coconut cookie that comes in 2-packs or 6-packs. 2-pack is a snack and 6-pack would be meal. This is how I use to eat! I DO NOT WANT TO DO THIS ANYMORE!!!!
I will be leaving my job in January. Not for these reasons of food addiction, but for other personal reasons and choices. But to get away from the temptation would be a huge benefit to me as well. Think of the smell of your favourite food. Smell it everyday and constantly have to make the choice not to eat it.
88 days, done.
88 days, over.
88 days, deep breathing.
88 days, one day at a time.
88 days, just the beginning.